Fragments of things past
by thesewomenrulemyworld
Summary: Young McGonagall and her bright student Bellatrix Black. To be honest, I have no idea what happened here. Originally meant as a part of Minerva/Hermione fanfic, but I suddenly went down with this... I love the idea though. Hope you will too.


Minerva was shaking in her sleep, her forehead covered with beads of sweat, cheeks wet with tears.

The dark chocolate eyes were smiling at her again. No matter how many students were in the room, she would always end up meeting this pair of brown depths, seeing affection and interest. She couldn't help but smile back at the bright girl, excelling in Transfiguration again and again, even with the more difficult spells. She was making her proud.

* * *

They were sitting at the couch in her office. She had lost count of these visits long time ago. She was young and something in this girl was utterly magnetizing, so they ended up having endless discussions over a tea and ginger newt cookies, relaxing more with every passing week, developing an unlikely friendship.

That night, the girl was sitting cross-legged on the couch, her tie hanging over the armrest. She was cheerfully talking about a book she found at home over the Christmas holiday.

"I immediately thought about you when I finished it, I thought you would like it, Professor," the girl beamed and Minerva smiled in return, leaning her head against her hand, bringing her legs up on the couch.

"I will try to look for it in the library then-"  
"You don't have to, I brought it for you, I have it in my dorm," she admitted with her cheeks colouring with pink, the shade the same as the one of her lips. "I can bring it to you tomorrow, if you have time in the evening again?"

"You know that your Friday night visits is basically a habit by now," Minerva responded and shook her head lightly in disbelief how quickly the girl found her way into her free time and what more – into her heart.

There was a pause between them. Minerva felt a gaze on herself as the girl was eyeing her. She turned her head and their eyes met.

"Are you married? If you don't mind me asking," the girl added quickly to her question in fear of overstepping too much.

Minerva's eyebrows rose at the unexpectedness of the question. "No, I'm not."

"Why not?" the girl tilted her head and kept studying Minerva, clearly noticing the uneasiness her question awoke.

"Nothing's worked out for me yet," Minerva decided for a graceful answer, not letting anything slip and not offending.

The girl snorted. Minerva's eyes widened in question.

"I'm sorry, I just don't understand why, because you being who you are… I'm sure somebody will fall in love with you and it will work out," the girl said, not realizing the ridiculousness of that moment. She, a young student, offering comfort about love life of her teacher.

"Thank you," Minerva smiled at her and put her hand over the girl's. And in that moment, something shifted between them.

* * *

Different night, same place.

They were sitting on the couch again, closer than ever before. Both of them were leaning their sides against the backrest, facing each other. The conversation never faded, only in those moments when one made the other laugh and stopped talking, mesmerized by the sight of pure beauty and happiness unravelling in front of her.

This time Minerva laughed so hard, she bent over and held her stomach, shaking until she caught her breath. She straightened up, a grin plastered to her face and remains of tears glistening before sliding down her cheek.

The girl gathered her courage and caught the tear with the back of her fingers, locking gazes with Minerva who seemed breathless in that moment, but didn't push her away. The girl took a leap of faith and closed the remaining distance between them, softly meeting Minerva's lips. For a moment, there was no response, but then the girl felt the lips moving against hers, and a hand caressing her upper arm tenderly. Out of sudden though, as if something switched inside of her, Minerva pulled away with a scared look.

"I'm sorry, that shouldn't have happened-"  
"No, please-" the girl desperately clutched both of Minerva's hands in hers. "Wait."  
McGonagall just shook her head and tears appeared in her eyes. "Sorry… this is so wrong on so many levels-"  
"Because I'm a student? I'm nearly out of school…" the girl reasoned with pleading eyes that Minerva couldn't resist.

"Not only that…"  
"Oh. I'm a girl. I'm a Slytherin." Her voice was suddenly laced with so much sadness, coming from deep within.

"There's a stigma about crossing the line in student/teacher relationship-" Minerva whispered, her gaze glued to their joint hands.

"I don't give a damn about that, I'm in love with you and are not exactly indifferent towards me either." The girl lifted Minerva's chin with her fingers, making the older woman look into her eyes.

"Bella, this can't work," Minerva whispered on the verge of tears.

"You didn't even deny it. Please, let me fight for us, give me a chance," Bellatrix whispered, nearing her face impossibly close again, feeling Minerva's ragged breath on her lips.

And then she was drowning in a kiss.

* * *

Another night in her office, Bellatrix sitting in her lap and them kissing with ever-growing passion.

When Minerva caught her breath after pulling away, she started playing with Bella's hair.

"You have to stop sending me owls in the Great Hall, Albus is impossible to get rid of when he's curious."

Bellatrix laughed at that, turning her head and kissing Minerva's palm. "But it's hard to resist the temptation of telling you I love you the first thing in the morning, since I can't sleep here, you know." She said with innocent eyes and then broke into playful grin.

"I know darling, but please, be careful…"

"I will," Bellatrix whispered before capturing those lips again.

* * *

"When I told you to be careful, I surely didn't mean 'a quickie' in broom closet after accidentally running into each other in the corridor," Minerva said breathlessly and Bellatrix broke into muffled laughter.

"Well, first of all, it sounds so adorable when you say 'quickie' and second of all, I am very sure you liked it," she responded smugly as she helped Minerva zip her robes. "But how will we slip out of here without anyone noticing?"

"Well NOW you're reasonable," Minerva rolled her eyes. "You'll go first, stay somewhere close and knock when nobody's in the sight."

"Wow, sounds like you have some practice already," Bella grinned wickedly and earned a nudge to her ribs.

"I do not, I am just very competent in spontaneous planning." Minerva answered back and stole one last kiss before pushing the girl towards the door.

"Uh, yeah, I'm coming-" she suddenly stopped mid-tracks and turned back to Minerva with barely contained laughter. "Déjà vu, that's what she said. Two minutes ago."

Minerva felt like her eyes could roll from her head. "You're such an idiot."

"Your idiot." Bellatrix batted her eyelashes and earned another push towards the door.

"Go!"

* * *

"Bellatrix please, don't join them," Minerva pleaded in quiet voice, holding onto the black-haired girl's hand, caressing her with a thumb.

"I'm sorry Minerva, but I know what I'm doing." She shook her head. She was insistent on that matter.

"That side will turn against us, don't trust them. It looks like we won't collide, but we will… and you will be on the other side." Minerva desperately explained, holding onto hope that Bellatrix will listen to her.

"Min, I love you, but you can't talk into this. These are my views on the world and we just shouldn't interfere with each other's. This is my decision. My business."

There was something different in Bellatrix's eyes. Some kind of hardness.

"But your safety is my business-"

"Oh really? Because no matter what, you're still a teacher afraid of the school's reputation?" Bellatrix answered with venom in her voice.

"What? No! That's not at all true! I care because I love you, you know that!" Minerva was growing frustrated with each day, and Bella seemed more and more detached.

The black-haired girl didn't respond anything to that, leaving them in suffocating silence.

"Are you in love with somebody else?" Minerva whispered the question she'd been afraid to ask for days, if not weeks.

"Merlin, does that matter?! I just want you to let me make my own choices!"

"Yes it DOES matter! Why stay if your heart belongs to another?!" Minerva felt like dancing on shattered glass barefoot. She'd been there, she knew how it felt watching as the one you love slowly falls for someone else, not bothering to tell you yet.

"You know what, you've changed." Bellatrix said with anger bubbling under the surface.

" _I_ have changed?!" Minerva burst out.

"Yes! You used to let me make my choices and let me grow, now you're only restricting me-"  
"To protect you! I don't know what they told you, but all I am trying to do here now is to keep you safe and alive!"

"When you said we couldn't work out because we were wrong on so many levels, I didn't expect _this_ being the cause of our end." Bellatrix spat out and finally withdrew the hand out of Minerva's grasp, as if only now she had realized they were holding onto each other.

"What?" Minerva's voice quickly fell down to calm, to quiet and hurt.

Bellatrix rose from the couch, Minerva following her with desperate gaze. She had known it would come, hell, it happened before with another lover, but that didn't mean it wouldn't shock her or that it would hurt less.

Bellatrix gave her a shrug, as if there was nothing to say. Even though there was.

"Bella-"

"No. Not now." She said definitively, turned on her heel and walked out of the office.

* * *

Same couch, same office, but Minerva alone. Years later, she was sitting on the couch and staring mindlessly at the two cups of tea left on the table.

Remus had just walked away after telling her what happened at the Ministry. Sirius had died. One of her favourite students of all time, his patented grin and playful conversations with her played in her mind. And now he was gone.

By her hand. She killed him.

Minerva hadn't talked to her since their break up. And after Bellatrix left school, she didn't even see her. She had to hear about her from stories and put the puzzle pieces together.

She got married. And fell in love with somebody else than her husband. Maybe in opposite order, she didn't know. She went to Azkaban and was on one step of the horrible staircase of insanity.

First tear ran down her cheek.

 _She should have saved her._

Second tear following the first one.

 _She should have tried harder._

By now, the tears were flowing, and she had no intentions to stop them.

 _She shouldn't have let herself be pushed away._

 _She should have tried to talk to her again._

 _Because even after all of this, she had missed her._

* * *

She was there. She could hear her cackle. It was so different from the young woman laughing with her in her office. But again, that was years and years ago.

She found her in the Great Hall. Fighting with a student, which seemed to take no effort from her. Just like a cat toying with her meal.

As if she felt gaze on herself, she looked away from the opponent and met Minerva's eyes. And it was as if a wall crumbled inside her, because suddenly there was softness and I'm-so-glad-to-see-you and a glimpse of that look she used to get after kissing her until they lost breaths. _She still loved her._

Suddenly two other students joined the first one and now, Bellatrix was really busy with them.

Minerva's heart was beating incredibly fast, but she wasn't afraid that the girls would kill her. Maybe she would survive. Maybe they could talk. Maybe they could fix it all.

But then Molly stepped in with her "Not my daughter, you bitch!" and there was nothing but fear tearing her insides. She knew Molly was able to protect her child, even more so after losing Fred, with fierce and determination many lacked.

And there it was.

Green light.

Her body was lying on the ground like a fallen star. She used to tease her and call her _her daystar_ in reference to her family naming their children after constellations. And she _was_ her daystar. The brightest.

And now she burned out.


End file.
